The Scottish Play

Is this a dagger which I see before me,
The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.
I have thee not and yet I see thee still.
Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible to feeling as to sight,
Or art thou but a dagger of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from the heat oppressed brain? I see thee yet
In form as palpable as this which now I draw.
Thou marshall'st me the way that I was going
And such an instrument I was to use.
Mine eyes are made the fools o' th'other senses
Or else worth all the rest. I see thee still
And on thy blade and dudgeon gouts of blood
Which was not so before. There's no such thing
It is the bloody business which informs
thus to mine eyes. From Macbeth Act II, scene i

I cannot promise that this is accurate word for word or line for line. This is from my memory as I was to memorize a speech from the dark and dismal play. I still have more lines to memorize but that is all the speech directly related to the dagger Macbeth thinks he sees. This is a fun speech to speak, as it may be delivered wildly and with lots of hand movements. I intend to memorize the other speech (If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well it were done quickly), too! Also the St. Crispian's speech from Henry V; Shakespeare is very inspiring. Of course I also have a little Shakespeare memorized for the play I am acting in this summer but as the Dauphin says I need only "do a very little little and all is done". I haven't got many lines.

I'm madly in love...

What's not to love? Dorothy is just the cutest little creature ever.

Henty must die!

Wait...He's already dead. That's comforting. I suppose I shouldn't get so worked up over just a book, but Winning His Spurs is really boring. Yes, it almost has me in tears. It is sooo a guy book. Cuthbert is like...a male Elsie Dinsmore. Ich, yeck, bleh. This is actually something I would post on my Xanga. But Xanga is temporarily down, and I need to whine now! Yes, I'm suffering deeply. I read 12 chapters of that book yesterday! Ooh. The pain! The pain!

Once more at home

By God's grace, I was able to visit some friends at Christ the King church in Springfield, MO this weekend. Seeing Autumn again was absolutely delightful. Girls from 3 to 6 are my specialty, and can be very good for one's ego (depending on how you define "good"), she told me I was very pretty. I'm gratified. Nice to see the other Johnstons, too. Lorisha is such fun to talk too!

Nice to meet others, too. Especially the ones I had "met" already.

Goodbyes are awful for me. I hate leaving. Driving away I was listening to Strong Hand of Love, a wonderful song by Mark Heard that makes me cry even when I'm not upset about leaving people I love (without even ever dancing!).


Down peppers the rain from a clear blue sky
Down trickles a tear on a youthful face
Feeling in haste and wondering why
Up struggles the sun from a wounded night
Out venture our hearts in their silent shrouds
Trying to ignite but wondering how

We can laugh and we can cry
And never see the strong hand of love
Hidden in the shadows
We can dance and we can sigh
And never see the strong hand of love
Hidden in the shadows

Young dreamers explode like popped balloons
Some kind of emotional rodeo
Learning too slow and acting too soon
Time marches away like a lost platoon
We gracefully age as we feel the weight of loving too late
And leaving too soon

We can laugh and we can cry
And never see the strong hand of love
Hidden in the shadows
We can dance and we can sigh
And never see the strong hand of love
Hidden in the shadows

I'm a WHAT?

How frightening. Apparently I'm a minion throng. I've never been one of those before. I always thought it took more than one person to be a throng. But a reliable source told me otherwise. Or at least they have insinuated that I was someone's minion throng.

Does this mean I get group rates and museums and stuff?

Sacrifice

My sister's favorite sport is military style marching band. After seeing this you may understand. I'm trying to resign myself to a fate I have brought upon myself. I don't mean to sound like a martyr, but it's one tough descision to make to keep oneself from participating in something that has intrigued you for a while, and you have watched from the sidelines for several years. I'm learning to appreciate the joys of others. This is my siblings' sport. I have other things to do with my life. But you can be sure, that for the next couple of years I will be cheering for the Marching Dutch with all my might.

Bittersweet. Yeah. I'm making faces. This is tough to think about. I think I will have a couple sobbing fits this summer while I berate myself for not staying in band. But it's for the best, I think.

So what should my favorite sport be? Is contra-dancing a sport?

How far is heaven?

I generally object to people saying such and such a thing as "heaven on earth," but I have found something that I would describe as "a little slice of heaven." Ah, yes. Dancing.

I haven't been dancing recently. Not really. Not unless you count dancing with my sister (I in the part of a gentleman), as we teach ourselves dances or write them. But maybe that does count, we've been drawn a lot closer since we've discovered dancing.

Christian community is marvelous. What more could one say?

But dancing isn't everything. I know some people who, strange to say, prefer card games to dancing. I also know some people who prefer to just sit and talk (but they are mostly *coughcough*), that's cool, too.

For me, dancing is the fusing of music and movement and something rather mathematical, too. Nevermind, contra dancing specifically is marvelous because it's not "just me and my guy", it's me and my partner and this other couple, or, in the case of the Virginia Reel, me and my partner and this whole roomful of people. You spend your time meeting new people. I always make some comment or greeting. Generally it's the same for every couple, but if they're also talkative I might say something different. Back to music, everyone loves moving in rhythm, right (I'm not actually sure this is true, I'm a musician if a poor one, and love music and rhythm)?

But why dance? One answer is the will is the slave of the body, alright, you may deny on some grounds, we're all free in Christ, right? But admit it; when you're hungry, you eat. Starving yourself to death is one tough pill to swallow. I have this on good faith from my father, a convert to the love of dancing (I have always loved it, I think), that since actually trying it, he has found that it's not as silly as it seems. Not to say it's not silly, if it wasn't it would hardly be an activity that I would love so much. It is actually possible to make yourself have fun. Choose not to believe it, if you will, but I am fairly certain. So why not make yourself have fun? Good, clean, old-fashioned-type fun (not to say that that which is old is automatically good, but this is time-tested enjoyment).

Morning Walk

On clouds, rain, sunshine, and resurrection.

Golden hues from wealthy clouds
Are lodged up in the sky.
Gentle rumbles threaten rain
As I go walking by.

The sun is shining up above
There's a smile on my face
I'm as happy as a lark
The world is filled with grace.

I look up, upon the clouds
A sweet celestial view
Then I chuckle at the use
Of childish pinks and blues

God Almighty, God the King
Does not scorn to show His light
In means to us seem foolishness
He makes display of might.

His love has caused this turn-about
This foolish death and life
Ultimately it is this joke
That is the end of strife.

Wow. I've never had the pre-destination argument in person. I've only ever argued it online. Until now. Dr. Kleven is a bit too clever for me, but Robert was going for the Open Theism argument. That one's *old*. Fortunately, I had good Reformed friends to help me argue my case.

We may have gotten off the topic, which was, orginally, Mere Christianity, but it was a good experience and it's delightful to see some young apologists honing their skills, as I try to do.

C.S. Lewis was marvelous. If he was RC they would have sainted him by now, or started to. (er..is that 'canonized'? I'm pretty sure the RCs don't use 'sainted')

We ate cookies, too. And I know who the smartest people in that class are: Chris and Josh; they know when to quit talking, and don't have to join every little argument, when we start going off on bunny trails.

Blogging: A venial sin?

People always talk about the internet as being sort of "anti-social" and "childish" and "uncommunicative". This makes no sense to me, several of my fairly good friends, and Christian encouragers were met at the Classical Christian online school that I took Latin from (for a brief time, and hope to take more again). For a while, they were pretty much my only friends, as at that point I had no one to associate with at church, was homeschooled (still am, but being at the public school three days a week for band allows you to meet some people), and even in the homeschool group, there weren't very many people I shared any interests with, etc.

I particularly like blogging, which is looked on by some as being almost down-right wicked, and certainly selfish. I suppose it is self-centered of me to post my thoughts on the World-Wide-Web, and expect them to be read and commented on, but in general I expect nothing of the kind. I'm humble as they come (eh, what?).

Blogging allows one to organize one's thoughts, to record the events of the day, and to instruct oneself, by reading what you wrote (seriously, sometimes, it's like my subconscious takes over, and I don't know what I'm writing 'til I'm done). Some would say that a private journal would serve just as well, and be less assuming, but a personal journal does not allow you to keep up with you less-than-personal friends (the sort of people whose lives interest you, and you love to interact with, but who you do not know particularly closely), and to practice your prose. I would say that my writing, grammar, and spelling have improved greatly since I began blogging on my xanga. Which, by the way, brings me to the point of why I have this blog. The fact is, I cannot remain serious on my xanga, and besides that, each post on my xanga is a work of art, a carefully crafted one, designed to make people laugh or smile or whatever. A blog where fewer (not less) people read could be an excellent thing, as I may feel less pressure to keep the jokes coming. Not, of course, that that is a facade. Quite the reverse! However, I do enjoy being serious once and a while, but I worry that no one can take you seriously if you make it your serious buisness to make people laugh. Anyway, blogging is a method of communication that can be both effective and enjoyable.

Home again, home again, jiggity jog

Back home from an adventure in Carbondale. What fun we had!

A poem I wrote a few weeks ago, about the Song of Roland, and the battle cry of Charlemagne's men.

"Mountjoy!" they cry, and away they ride,
Heedless of death or turning tide.

"Mountjoy!" they say, and away they go
Off to die at the hand of the foe.

"Mountjoy!" they shout, "For Charlemagne!
For God and country!" they heed no pain.

"Mountjoy!" cries Roland, though death is near,
"For Christ!" he says; he has no fear.

"Mountjoy!" each whispers as he goes to his Lord
All are ready to meet the sword.

"Mountjoy!" shouts Roland, but once more;
As he dies, his soul doth soar.

"Mountjoy!" each says as he met his death
They have fled from fallen earth.

"Mountjoy" echo the hills in mournful tones
At the death of these e'en nature groans.

"Mountjoy!" 'tis true, they will shout no more
All have passed through heaven's door.

The fellowship of the Lord's people is truly marvelous.

We ate a meal at church sort of a potluck style today, how delightful...I love eating with my family. Eating with people is a special way of sharing fellowship. It comes in at the Lord's Supper, too. In some way or other we are eating with the saints in heaven and our Lord, too. We're definitely aren't just saying, "here's to Jesus!" or, "I remember Jesus." We eat the meal served, I suppose I should say, by Christ. It's like a big Christmas dinner, I eat with my real family, my brothers and sisters in Christ. That may not be particularly new or profound, but it's true.

Thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain?

"Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain." -Exodus 20:7

I saw a billboard while driving through/past Des Moines or Ankeny (they're all the same in my mind), which read "If you're going to swear, use your own name -God" Or something to the effect. I'm sure that whoever put up that builboard meant well, but it would appear to be in itself a violation of the 3rd commandment. (it is actually the third, right? God, idol, name, day, honor, murder, adultery, steal, lie, covet...yep) So hmm. I wish I knew what "in vain" meant exactly, or a little more specifically anyway. It was definitely using God's name in a frivolous and therefore unseemly manner.

Comfort in God's Knowledge

Psalm 139

1O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.
2Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.
3Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
4For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.
5Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.
7Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
8If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
9If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
10Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
11If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
12Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.
13For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.
14I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
15My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
17How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
18If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
19Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
20For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.
21Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?
22I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.
23Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
24And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

When people talk about God's knowledge they often mean the way He knows everything that will happen, and understands everything. What I find most amazing about God's knowledge is not the extent of it (though I am always in awe of that), but the depth or the intimacy of it. "Thou understandeth my thought afar off." Wow. Can that be said about anyone? Can you even say that about your own thoughts?

But perhaps we should be frightened. After all, this is the Most High we are talking about. Frightened doesn't begin to describe it, terrified, petrified. The Holy one knows us and we are not holy. Fortunately God is looking at me through the "lens" of Christ. When I read this psalm I am frightened at first, but I lift up my Ebenezer, Jesus Christ and say "God! Remember me!" And he does, because Christ is the new Moses, interceding for us to His Father.

"14Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.
15For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
16Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." -Hebrews 4:14-16

And therein is my surety. Were I to stop with the knowledge of God I would be right to be terrified. But Christ was "in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin." So He knows our temptation and has ransomed me with His submission to the Father.

But I'm not done, oh no. Roman Catholics believe (or used to anyway) that for a sin to be forgiven it must be confessed. People (like Martin Luther) lived in terror of forgetting some sin and not confessing it. But my joy and hope is that I am known so completely by God and washed so completely by the blood of His Son, that it is merely necessary (merely, ha!) to be penitent and ask him to wash me. How could we ever hope by our own ability to escape the knowledge of God? But His knowledge should not be a curse and a terror to Christians, but a blessing and a joy. To have no secrets is truly marvelous to the redeemed and remade man, it is only fallen, rebellious man who should fear the knowledge of the Almighty.

Secrets make young people old and can destroy relationships. But imagine having another human know your innermost thoughts, you would be lonely, for who but Love Himself could love the miserable wretched creatures we are when fully disclosed. But He knows us and loves us, what grace!

A humongous, thoughtful post vanishes into oblivion. Ashes to ashes.

Spikenard and chocolate or All to Jesus I surrender

"3And being in Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he sat at meat, there came a woman having an alabaster box of ointment of spikenard very precious; and she brake the box, and poured it on his head.
4And there were some that had indignation within themselves, and said, Why was this waste of the ointment made?
5For it might have been sold for more than three hundred pence, and have been given to the poor. And they murmured against her.
6And Jesus said, Let her alone; why trouble ye her? she hath wrought a good work on me.
7For ye have the poor with you always, and whensoever ye will ye may do them good: but me ye have not always.
8She hath done what she could: she is come aforehand to anoint my body to the burying.
9Verily I say unto you, Wheresoever this gospel shall be preached throughout the whole world, this also that she hath done shall be spoken of for a memorial of her." Mark 14:3-9

It would appear that I copy my sister. But the pastor did preach about this on Sunday. People look at me funny when I say that I gave up chocolate for Lent. After all, what good would it do? But this woman poured spikenard on Jesus' head, which practically speaking, was folly. Whatever seems precious or valuable has no value until we break it and give it unto Jesus. He makes it whole and better than before. "For lo, He makes all things new" (that is probably way out of context, it's just what came to mind.

Anyway, this Easter, chocolate will taste so much sweeter than ever before.

I wonder...

Will anyone ever read this? I might be glad if they don't, after all I am planning on being serious when I use this blog so...I wouldn't want anyone to see that side of me would I?

The ball (officially, the Winter Wonderland Ball) is just about all I can think of so...on dancing:

My dad is found of speaking of dancing as in, for instance, contra-dancing, as being a Trinitarian activity and so it is. In fact, it is a wonderful example of it. Trinitarianism mainly concerns the one and the many. Dancing is about both the individual (and the couple) and the group as a whole. The Trinity is fellowship as is dancing. To dance in such a way is to be more than an individual, it is to become a part of a whole.

Man created in the image of God was created for fellowship. God loves fellowship; the Father is in fellowship with the Son, the Son with the Spirit, etc. To dance is to fellowship and to fellowship is what we were created for. Now if I could only learn how to dance....

The modern man (as witnessed in the philosophy 'I think therefore I am') measure everything by the self. The only reliable source of knowledge is yourself, your very being is determined by your own ability to percieve it. It must be incredibly lonely to be 'Enlightened'. When you dance in a group what you are doing is recoginizing the 'I'-ness of the person across from you, or holding hands with you. Maybe dancing isn't so pointless after all.

This is my third or fourth blogspot blog. I always forget my sign in name.

As to the serpent crusher thing, don't think me unfeminine, but...Yeah, like Jael. But I don't smash no one's heads in (double negative! Yay!), at least not physically. But I'm a serpent crusher, or trying to be. Whenever I turn away from the temptation to sin, I am crushing the serpent, Satan. The fact remains that I'm terrible at it, but God will aid me. (thank goodness, by myself I'm nothing or worse than nothing)

Frankly, I'm bored and tired and so I got me another blog. Hopefully I won't forget about this one. I may post, I may not.